Where Do I Go From Here?
It's no secret that we live in a strange, digital world where real world rules don't apply. We use Instagram to turn our lives and ourselves into a brand. We post public Snapchat stories with the hope that one particular person might see them. We filter our lives on Facebook so that the world can see the best possible versions of ourselves. Over time, this phenomenon has created a sort of toxic vortex of fake happiness that is exhausting and impossible to live up to. For this reason, I've always tried to be as honest and as vulnerable with you as I possibly can. Today will be no different. This one is for those of you who check in on me regularly. I see you and I appreciate you and I want you to know that I'm struggling. (Don't worry, Mom. I'm okay.)
I started Without Roots back in 2016 when I was living in my hometown and looking for a project to occupy my idle mind. I'd moved back to that town after living just outside of New York City and I was extremely disappointed in the fact that I hadn't done anything particularly exciting with my life since getting my degree. I was existing in a town that I didn't particularly want to be in, and I needed something to do. This blog was a thing to do. I didn't think that I'd fall in love with photography and storytelling in the way that I did. This was what made the remainder of my time at home worth living. This was what made me want to do more than simply get by. But then, I moved to Portland and suddenly, everything was different.
I'm feeling especially restless these days. All I do is work and sleep and work and sleep and it was fine when I was at home and waiting for the Next Big Thing. Portland was that thing. And now I'm here and I feel like I need to take my life in a new direction. However, between working and sleeping and trying to be present in the world, I am constantly exhausted. I have stretched myself so thin that I don't even have time to think about what I want to do with my life, let alone this blog. So that begs the question, where do I go from here?
I am very, very attached to Without Roots. There is so much of me here. There are so many stories and thoughts and photographs that serve as published evidence of how much I've grown and changed since my first post in early 2016. But for now, I'm going to continue to exist in limbo. I don't know where I'm going from here but I know that there's bound to be changes. I might abandon this project for a new one. I might do little more than take a break from it and get myself sorted out. Either way, you probably won't hear from me for awhile.
But I can promise you this – you haven't seen the last of me.