A Bittersweet Farewell to 2017

 

When the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2017, I was intoxicated at a disco party with my then-significant other. If that wasn't indicative of what sort of misadventure was in store for me in the year to come, I don't know what was. Looking back from the other side at everything that happened, I must say: 2017 was wild. If I'm being honest, I was a train wreck for most of it. However, this is perfectly okay with me because I'm young and I'm free and I feel that every twenty-something is entitled to be a mess for a little while.

A couple of quiet months passed, and then I crashed my car. This, I think, was the catalyst for the chaos to come. Days later, amidst the drama of dealing with insurance claims and rental cars, my relationship ended and I became painfully aware of how little time I'd spent cultivating my own interests and making my own friends during my first few months in Portland. And as a result of everything sort of blowing up at once, I began to experience the brand of anxiety that left me unable to eat for days at a time. I kid you not, I was perpetually nauseous for the entire month of March. I put in overtime at work for the entirety of spring and summer, and for about 70% of fall. I injured myself at work not once, but twice. I was drugged at a nightclub. I dove head first into the world of dating and quickly realized why I hate the world of dating. And along the way, I encountered countless other strange occurrences that added to the ever present disarray. As a result, I let my creative spirit fall to the wayside. But somehow, here I am, and I wouldn't change a damn thing.

I must say, 2017 wasn't entirely comprised of missteps and misadventure. Along the way, I befriended some of the most wonderful people I know. I learned how to be comfortable with doing things on my own and in just a few short months, I explored more of my new home state of Oregon than I ever did during the several years I spent in New York. I've gained a sense of confidence that I've never had before, and for the first time in my entire life, I can say with confidence that I am content and at home with myself. Those of you who, like myself, have endured a lifetime of cyclical depression, crippling anxiety, and constant self-loathing know how difficult that is to achieve. That being said, I'd say that my year of misadventure was completely worth the trouble. And you know what? Maybe I'll laugh about all of this when I'm 40. Maybe.

As I've mentioned several times in past posts, I have a weakness for marked days and the 1st of January, 2018 will surely be no different. I will wake up filled with hope for a clean slate and a brand new set of adventures. I have so much that I want to achieve in the year to come and I'm so excited to get to work that I've already started in on it! Here's what's in store:

  • I've been slaving away at a new design that I'll be rolling out on (or around) the first of the year. I've already proclaimed 2018 as being the Year of the Career. Without Roots is going to have much more of a focus on photography and I'm going to take my writing in a different direction. (Worry not, my blog isn't going anywhere!)

  • I started a vlog channel on YouTube where I plan to provide a peek behind the scenes of Without Roots to those of you who are interested. It's also a way for me to give this project a bit more of a personality, so to speak. I also intend to use my amateur videography as another means of expressing myself creatively. I speak a bit more about my intent with vlogging and such in my very first video!

  • The print shop is coming! I've had multiple people ask to purchase prints of my photos and I'm so touched by these requests. It's in the works as we speak and will be live in early 2018.

For those of you who have stuck with me this past year, I see you and I appreciate your enduring support more than words can express. I'm so lucky to have people around the world who care about what I do here and I'm so excited to see what 2018 brings.

 

2017 — Photos from the archives

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JournalHannah ZelaznyComment