Fog & Forgiveness
Anger is like fog in the way it makes everything feel so heavy; in the way it keeps you from seeing things clearly and as they actually are. It distorts our image of the world and prevents us from seeing the big picture. All we can see is what’s directly in front of us. Everything else is blurred. But forgiveness – forgiveness is what happens when the fog dissipates and sun casts its light and the world seems new again. Forgiveness is what happens when the road ahead of you becomes clear again and you can see a way forward. It's what happens when you can see things as they actually are.
I think the greatest ally we have on the road to acceptance and forgiveness is time and patience. Once you realize that the people in your life who hurt you are simply doing the best that they can to survive in this world just like you are, it becomes a lot easier to forgive them. Sometimes, you hurt people. Sometimes, people hurt you. And sometimes, we hurt each other. It's an inevitable reality that we all will face. We must mourn our losses and move forward with the hope that there are good things waiting for us.
I am learning that it's okay to cry and to experience pain and to wallow in it for awhile. It's more than just okay; it's necessary for healing and forward motion. I hope that in the future, I will allow myself to mourn my losses and experience my pain right away, instead of burying it and saving it for later. I hope that I will learn to forgive myself for not being perfect all the time and for not constantly achieving things. I hope that I won't resign myself to feeling weak and pathetic for experiencing sadness. Unlearning lifelong habits won't be easy, but I'm willing to work at it every day if it means that I will eventually become, accept, and love my authentic self.