An Anatomy of the Self
"Be. Don't try to become." – Osho
There is a certain power in having the ability to simply be. There is a power in feeling like you don’t need to minimize yourself or hide parts of yourself for the world to embrace you with open arms. And there is an immeasurable strength in unlearning your habits of shrinking yourself and of not feeling good enough to be loved. Unlearning these thoughts and cultivating self-love after a lifetime of self-loathing is the most difficult thing we can do as humans. It is also the most rewarding.
I used to think that babies were born blank slates and that for the most part, our environments and upbringings shaped who we are. I don’t believe that anymore. I think there are parts of us that simply are. No matter what we go through and no matter how the world changes us and breaks us, we are these things. But there are parts of us that mold to our experiences. I think that hardship and pain makes us kinder. I think that sadness makes us stronger. I think that trying new things makes us lighter. And I think we as humans are walking melting pots of contradictions.
I am highly logical yet highly emotional. I am stubborn and yet I sway easily to others. I am neurotic yet level headed. I go with the flow and yet I need control. I leave chaos in my wake and yet I yearn for order. Then, how do we define ourselves? If we are so many contradicting things, how does a person acquire a solid sense of self? Perhaps it’s through choice. Perhaps it’s through ongoing introspect. Perhaps it’s something I’ve yet to discover.