Winter's End

 

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." ― Anne Bradstreet, Meditations Divine and Moral

Spring is here and winter is dead and these are the kind of days that fill me with hope and excitement for better things to come. I like marked days; the ones that make you feel like something new is on the horizon, the ones that compel you to reflect on whatever journey came before it. There's something different about spring though; perhaps that it's the season that is symbolic for rebirth, youth, and hope after what feels like endless winter.

For me, winter tends to be characterized by internal chaos. I am so busy the rest of the year that I don't have even a spare moment to reflect on what's happening when it's actually happening. I simply put it on the back burner and must later reconcile with it all at once. During the last year, so much happened in such a short period of time that I came out on the other side a completely different person. Unrecognizable, even. I was carrying a lot of pent up anger from losing so many people close to me (in more ways than one). And then I made an earth-shattering connection between my emotionally turbulent adolescence and my adult behavior that ignited a raging fire of all-consuming fury and drove me to hate and resent the people I was angry with. Letting anger build up is bad for the soul. But that anger is still there – I don't know when it'll go away. But the only thing I can think to do is harness it and use it for positive change in my life.

But winter is over and now I turn my focus to spring. I think spring is going to be about acceptance, forgiveness, and forward motion. It's going to be about letting go of my anger and dealing with the issues at hand. It's going to be about change and growth. Spring will be the season I erase my student debt. Spring will be the season I make important decisions about how I want to live my life and what I will pursue next. And maybe, just maybe, it'll lead to a prosperous summer.